You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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