Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
