What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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