Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
