Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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