There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
People in love make me want to vomit
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize