Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
