I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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