College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
