I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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