So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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