I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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