I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
