Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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