Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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