It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
