Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
