I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
