and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He has the fingertips of a God
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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