i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
