I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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