why didn't you poke me back
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
