I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
