Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
