Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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