my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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