in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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