I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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