I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
