Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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