So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
