So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
