Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
