Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
