I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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