i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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