two words: eviction party
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
