sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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