Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
