I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
