i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
