Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
