just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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