he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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