Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
