So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
