It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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