I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
