Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
