She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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