i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You made out with two different species that night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
