if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
