His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
