Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
50% drunk capacity currently
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize