Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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