barbara walters just said penis...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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