Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
