i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
