alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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