Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
