wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
