The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
