So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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